


2 and 45

by emqjm84



Series: “Lilin are cruel aren’t they.” [3]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Disturbing Themes, F/F, F/M, Gen, Internalized Misogyny, Loneliness, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Queerplatonic Relationships, Rape Aftermath, Reincarnation, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexism, Suicidal Thoughts, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, asurei - Freeform, underage sexuality, unreality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-02-28 23:23:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2751011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emqjm84/pseuds/emqjm84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of my fic 4 to 44. </p><p>Asuka reincarnates and finds herself given a second chance at life in a world where she was never raped. She has to live with the fact that no one remembers over even acknowledges what happened to her. Despite that she still remembers everything that happened. She remembers everything that happened to her. </p><p>Can she live again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2.1

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if I forgot to tag anything. I wasn't sure if I got everything. This work is very triggering and potentially incredibly upsetting so please don't read if you are feeling vulnerable.
> 
> Trigger warnings are in the tags. Please let me know if I missed any trigger warnings and I will add them.

**2.1**

  
She looked a t herself reflected back in her camera.  
Her eyes were red.  
Like Kaworu.  
Like Rei.

She shut her eyes for a moment because she couldn’t look into her own eyes anymore.

She was on an aircraft carrier again on her way back to NERV. ~~She was going back to die again.~~

She opened her eyes and the tiny man above her picture on her tablet was still touching himself.

  
_please baby show more_

  
Your name is Asuka Langley Sohryu and your first action upon coming back to life is making sure you’re still fuckable.

  
“I wish you wouldn’t do that. It’s creepy.”

  
Kaji had walked in on her. She shut off her tablet closing off the tiny masturbating man.

  
She felt her stomach sinking and her insides boiling as he regarded her with something that looked akin to terror and revulsion.

  
“I’m sorry.”

  
He put his hand over his face for a moment as if his head hurt and shut his eyes.

  
“It’s fine.”

  
He paused as if trying to find words as he looked her over. She wanted him to love her.

  
“I just don’t understand why girls do things like that. It’s weird.”

  
“Are you angry at me?”

  
She asked him as he set down a briefcase handcuffed to his arm. She could hear a tiny voice coming out of it.

  
~~_pleasedonthateme_~~

  
“I’m not angry at you you. Just please don’t do that anymore.”

  
She reached her hang out toward the voice, toward him before stopping herself.

  
“Do you hate me?”

  
~~_idontwanttobefuckedanymore_ ~~

  
“No, Asuka I don’t hate you. I’m sorry…”

  
He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand.

  
~~_helpme_~~

  
“The third child will be landing in about five minutes. Why don’t you go get ready for him and I’ll introduce you. I think you’ll like him.”

  
~~_idontwanttodie_ ~~

  
She was going to meet Shinji again.

  
~~_stopfuckingme_ ~~

  
She smiled at Kaji.

  
~~_iloveyou_ ~~

  
“Okay,”

  
She said wanting to cry. She didn’t show anything.

  
“What’s inside the briefcase?”

  
~~_helphelphelpmeplease_ ~~

  
“Just some documents that need to be signed at NERV.”

  
Kaji said happily changing the subject.

  
“Anyways I’ll be back in five minutes. Try to cheer up by then.”

  
~~_pleasedontleaveme_ ~~

  
And with that he left her alone taking the tiny voice inside of his briefcase with him.

  
Shinji was almost here and she would have to meet him again.

  
That meant they were also almost here as well.

  
She would have to pilot again.

  
She regretted coming back but she didn't want to die so there was nothing she could do.

  
**2.11**

  
Kaji climbed up onto deck for some fresh air.

  
He had a sour taste in his mouth. He spit into the ocean.

  
She shouldn’t be acting like this. She was too young.

  
Then he realized he was worrying about a child who wouldn’t live to have a future.

  
She was old enough to die for them.

  
He lifted his briefcase over the railing and briefly considered jumping overboard.

  
He imagined for a moment sinking dragged down by his burden but nowhere was deep enough to hide what he was carrying.

  
He could hear a plane coming.

  
Misato would be here soon and Asuka was expecting him and so he lifted his burden back onto deck.


	2. 2.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episode 8: Asuka Strikes!
> 
> She met Shinji again.

**2.2**

 

“Well, hello Misato. How have you been?”

She met Shinji again.

**2.21**

  
She should’ve failed. She should’ve screamed.

  
“Ah-ha! And I'm not just taller, my figure's filled out as well.”

  
Let me introduce you, this is the designated pilot of Eva Unit

  
Two, the Second Child, Asuka Langley Soryu.She expected herself to scream or at least cry.

  
(Slap! Slap! Slap!)

Toji: What did you do that for?!

Asuka: That's the viewing fee. Quite a bargain.

  
this is normal

  
Toji: It's over priced, but that's alright! Here's your change!

  
this is normal

  
Asuka: What?! (Slap!)

  
this is normal

  
Asuka: And so, which one is the famous Third Child? Oh-no.

Misato: Don't worry Asuka, it's him.

Asuka: Hmm... Not much to look at...

She could feel herself coming back down.

  
Everything was becoming more real again and she didn’t want to be real.

**2.23**

  
She waited around her Eva for the angel to come.

  
She killed it.

  
**2.27**

  
She didn’t recognize home anymore.

  
Toji: She may have looked cute, but she was a real female dog, if  
you know what I mean.

Kensuke: Well, at least we won't have to see her again.

Toji: Yeah, but Mr. Big Shot here has still gotta go work with her  
everyday. I feel sorry for him.

Toji: Look...!

Asuka: I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, charmed huh?

 

She wanted to go home.

**2.28**

  
Asuka: Hello! You are Ayanami Rei! The pilot of the prototype unit.

I am Asuka. Souryu Asuka Langley, the pilot of Eva unit 2.

Please be a good friend of mine!

She looked at her eyes.

  
Her eyes were red.

  
Rei didn’t say anything and Asuka felt as if her script were breaking.

  
“Please say something.”

  
Rei just stared into her eyes and she felt cold.

  
Rei gave her a look of recognition.

  
Their eyes were red.

  
When she understood that she felt very tired and had to go lay down in the nurses office.

  
Her world was falling apart and suddenly piloting the EVA or going to classes seemed unimportant.

  
She knew she wasn’t alone but that didn’t make anything easier.

  
She could pretend when she was alone.

 

Everything felt normal again.

 

She'd become a doll until she met Rei again.

  
**2.29**

  
She woke up to find Shinji trying to kiss her.

  
She didn’t want to get fucked anymore.

  
She called Rei’s number and to her surprise Rei’s number hadn’t changed.

  
She silently apologized to Misato.

  
That night she slept over at Rei’s apartment.


End file.
